I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
