She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
