Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
