I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
