Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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