Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
