2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
