He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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