so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
