I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am spending my child support on dildos
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
