before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it because I queefed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
