i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nutella sex= disaster
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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