i permit you to call me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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