I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
