oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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