have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
