I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
