Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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