did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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