I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
