She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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