am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
