I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize