Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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