Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
