I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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