...so i touched it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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