U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
