We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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