i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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