Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
