I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
