I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
