Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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