I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize