Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
