Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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