Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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