he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
