this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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