i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
