dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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