the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
