At least make sure they are 18
Why
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
