I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
