Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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