there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
