physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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