No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
