I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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