My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
