it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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