did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
