im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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