I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
