Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you win again, gameday.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize