dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
