i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
