I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
