Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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