When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize